That is the letter to Susann, which has NEVER been sent to her. My mother and my best friend, Natalia told me there was no use - and yes, they were right...
BTW: today is Soraya's birthday, I called over lunch to congratulate... She is having her pre-apprenticeship week. So she was not at home. I got Susann on the phone, believe me: Ice cubes are warmer - LOL. After the letter to Susann - some more news abt the family... SMILE the gossip...

Dear Susann

For almost 13 years you have been married to my brother. Have enriched his life and gave him the gift of two little children. I was very happy that heaven has given my brother such a caring, loving and kind wife. You can do all in the household: cooking, baking, sewing, knitting, do handicrafts and even deal with kids… I have always admired you. However – although or because I was unable to hold a candle to you I have never found the way to get to you or to become closer. On the opposite I always had the feeling that I do everything wrong in your presence. The gifts, the love, the attention whatever I tried to do to get closer to you all had a bitter aftertaste, I always had remorse abt will I ever do the right thing?
Am I so far out? Those questions occurred again and again. The answer hurt terribly: YES, I WAS!
I felt as if she was smirking at me all the time or she was grinning at me as if I was crazy. Well, I thank you for that! Yes, you read right: I thank you for all you did to me. How you treated me and that you still think till today that I am round the bend… Yet, to be honest: I have not understood, never understood till today why you were/are doing this. Did I do sth wrong? Have I destroyed sth? Or have I taken away sth fm you?
When you and my bro were stuck in a crisis, remember? You entrusted me with the whole story and I was totally on your side. I told him where to get off! I am not bearing a grudge against anyone. Maybe I am naĂŻve but I am proud of that characteristic!
What exactly do you want, Susann? Ask yourself! Ask your reflection in the mirror. Do you want to be no. 1 in your life? You are no. 1 in all your life. Be aware of that!
You know, all of us have the BIGGEST problems on earth, because all your life is taking place AROUND you! No one else lives your life ONLY you can!
You are both living in Switzerland. A lot goes without saying. Unfortunately I know very few people in Switzerland who really do appreciate all the things which are gifted to you. But true, you have got more problems than we do. You and Ivan have everything: you switch electricity on, it works, you turn the water tab, water runs as strong as ever. In Libya there are days with no water, or only 2 up to 3 hrs, then nothing anymore… that almost happens every day… Or we do work in the house, clean the whole stuff in- and outside and then we have one of those nice sandstorms… The whole house and its garden have been cleaned for nothing! The sand even says hello when windows are locked… It does not matter if there is no electricity and we spend the evening with a “romantic candle light dinner”, which had not been planned actually, but we have no other choice… Of course we can throw the contents of the fridge and freezer because all is defrosted and gone… You have great streets, no holes with diameters up to 3 meters (creating flat tires all the time), good infrastructures, amazing connections by any public transport… Your houses are well insolated, you are not freezing in winter and not sweating in summer. You find all you need in Europe, which we have to look for or forget abt. You may have financial problems, like all of us… At least we can cook, gas works all the time, just when it is empty, you have to get a new bottle.
Well does not matter anymore, I am crazy anyway; I have gotten married to Muslim firstly and secondly I have left Switzerland, the safe harbor, to move to a place where you can find everything, FAT CHANCE. Yes, I had considered the “pilot job situation” of my husband after 9/11… And I have made it possible for him to gain back face… It took me five years to really go but it was still a tough decision… I understand your mentality very well – even though I have said I would never move there… I had the same doubts when I was 33, the same problems with Fredy (my 7-year-itch), i.e. debts with him, taxes and other stuff I had to pay…). Well life is actually VERY simple, you only have to be at one with the world then all will happen all alone… Okay not all alone but… you are invited to think that I am again round the bend to think that life is THAT easy. That is not true! Mine has never been, I always had to do sth, to work HARDER or longer. It is a long way to find yourself. It was easier to walk away. Yet that is key in life: you have to be one with yourself, trust, love, respect, be reliable, honest etc. in order to be and/or do the same to/with the others. IT STARTS WITH US! That is definitely the most difficult step in life of all of us.
Life has taught me not to expect anything anymore, yet I catch myself red-handed not doing it still… I.e. I still expect more understanding regarding my husband’s race. That they do not hurt or insult him badly. He then is so afraid of being a guest in other houses.
Susann please be the way you are! You do not owe anyone anything, you only need to be happy with yourself! Free yourself of thoughts like: I have the duty to do this or that when it comes to me. You do not need that! Look after yourself, your family, your future and your life, only!
My duties as a godmother (of Soraya) and an aunt of both kids, I promise you I will take care of it!
Susann it hurts that it lead to that end. I have been mourning and thinking… Should you wish to talk to me – you are more than welcome! If not, I have already told Ivan, please do tell our parents (of course only Ivan’s and mine); i.e. in order to be able to invite the kids separately. That would be fair regarding the situation. And, it makes sense should we avoid our arguments. Personally I think it is very sad regarding kids and also my brother and you, and, above all towards my mom. It hurts her terribly. It does not hurt me looking at the “small scale” of a family only… Look at the world: politics. What is the reason? Other race, Muslim, religion? What a rubbish! No Swiss is a real Swiss, we are simply too young for that! Look at the Chinese, the Egyptians or other countries… In our veins there is no pure blood! It cannot be! I think it is time to look in the mirror and judge oneself! Should you not be able to understand then you can always ask for an insight! I think that we need all experiences in our lives because it is vital to learn, and I am sure pain, joy, experiences and all the rest – even my daughter in my belly, are “given” for a special reason! Yes, I believe she will be a great kid and I hope with all of my heart that she will feel the love we (Salah and I) do give her. It is also my opinion that we are here to learn/teach each other – i.e. all humans.
With that I wish you and your family all the best, success, understanding, respect and joy with all of my heart – and, not to forget all you are wishing for, as well!

With all my love
Thora

***

BTW: the third brother, Adel, will get married, soon, a pretty wife. It went fast, he fell in the street and was clinically dead. When he was in hospital I took my cards out and made a divination. He would be fine, again. The others were totally surprised. Well, he is able to laugh again. Yes, I am guilty for having been his morale booster… I like him very much even though all say that he was the black sheep in the family. I thank him whenever he takes care of electricity, repairs the houses etc. His own family does not know how helpful he is. You cannot just look at it and never be grateful! He was so moved he even gave me a present. With that he told all of his brothers and sisters they should be more grateful too. I would do a lot for them. I was kind of embarrassed and flattered at the same time… It was really sweet. Salah told me abt Adel’s speech…
His second sister, Kerima was in her 10 (!!!) month and had still not delivered…
I told Mufida and Amal, I am 100 % sure that she had been eating “silk” (= leaf beet) ha, I was right… After having reached the 6th month in pregnancy that particular vegetable should be avoided completely. It helps to keep the foetus when eating it till the 6th month but then the uterus becomes to rigid and wants to keep the baby. I was waiting for the 6 boxes I had been sending to myself, which had not arrived, still… In one of them there was raspberry-leaf-tea. That would make the baby come… even though she is a sponge, she takes all but never gives back anything. Such is life… I cannot see others suffer, is too deep inside of me.
Then there is Amal, the first sister (actually second sister but the first one, Leila, died when she was 4 years old). She wanted vitamin E. She had problems with her skin 2 years ago. I then gave Salah some packages of that particular vitamin. He gave it to her. She soon felt better and got pregnant, again – her fifth. She called Salah then in Switzerland. Totally hyperventilating… I give you my husband! That was her sentence on the phone… Her husband then on the phone: Amal is pregnant, that crappy vitamin E! Yes, sure, I explained her the whole thing and told her, that she had become pregnant because she felt well. Sure it is a fact that vitamin E is the fertile vitamin, yet you can still use condoms or else to prevent that. She may be so kind and never bother me with that stuff, anymore…
She anyway had to be operated after her 5th child because she nearly died. Now she can take vitamin E with no more such consequences… Yet I told her frankly: now you pay for it, because we cannot buy all for all, that does not work. Salah had already been upset that I had been so nice with all of them. I should stop being so generous. Nobody would appreciate that in the first place. Ok, we change…
Nuri, who had been working „for free“ for more than two years had some money to be sent to Poland, to his wife, wow at least Nuri does… (my husband does not send anything to me nor to the kids)… He was asking me before I had left to go to Switzerland, to take along the 200 US$ and wire it by my bank. I refused. It cost me more than 20 US$ to even wire it! That was too much money for such a small amount! Of course he was VERY upset. My husband took him to his friend Khaled who worked in the Libyan bank there and wow, Nuri did not even have to pay for the fee. Khaled did it under his own name – for bank employees it is free… Salah told Nuri: Now you know how it works. Next time you do that ALL alone! And btw: take care of your private life, your wife thinks Libya is nothing. So go back or convince her to come here. At that time I did not understand Ewa, now I do… the only thing I do not understand is: he bought her a house in Poland, he sends her money but she does not work at all – she sits in her house and goes for shopping (mostly clothes, shoes, make-up, etc) and is sending her son to tennis lessons… GREAT! I am stupid! But satisfied, to work for a living! The best thing of the whole story is: Ummi had to pay Nuri in order that he was able to send it to his wife… WOW, if I had a husband like that, I would shoot myself, that is Salah’s family…