A longer chapter, was unable to break it up in the middle...
I had found another puzzle in Libyan life. It concerned the wife of Nurheddin. His wife obviously had made worse mistakes than me. In Libya you eat certain food with your hands: Aish, Basin, Assida and Sumitha. Poor Ewa is fm Poland. When she had seen Mufida and Ummi eating Aish, she said that it looked like dog food. Only dogs would eat food like that in Poland. Ummi and Mufida were unable to forget (and probably also to forgive). Whenever they had food which was eaten by hand they disappeared into a room which could be locked and ate it in there. Even I was upset of that disrespectful behavior. How could she? First of all she had been invited and then she complained. Cultures are different! Poland was surely not as old as the Libyan culture… Ok she was young in her early twenties so I then said: she is a little chick. She is too young to tolerate other customs. Or her parents had not done a good job… Nuri did not drive cars, he once had had an accident and since then driving a car in Libya was out of the question. I did not drive either, but I was pregnant… Ewa wanted to go to town EVERY day, because she felt bored. So Ummi and Mufida had to go with her, because it was indecent to let go “such a young woman” to town ALL ALONE… it is normal, that young women in Ewa’s age who get married very young feel sometimes (not all women are like that), that they miss something. So she had to catch up with “action”. In addition to that Ewa did not want to learn any other language not even English. So somebody had to be with her, because of talking… On her opinion Libyan was anyway a “garbage-language”. Then she was complaining abt NO McDonalds in Libya and no cinemas. Once she forgot abt Libya and dressed in a bikini threw herself on a lounger and was sun bathing. When Hadj came back he nearly had a heart attack. In Libya Bikinis are NOT allowed, it might divert men’s brains to things which are not appropriate…
I was not upset anymore. I only thought, brains cannot be bought at super markets. I am grateful to that! Then I had to laugh, of course secretly, because otherwise all would be upset of me… I said to Salah, “look she is young and insecure, she spent all her life in Poland, comes to Libya and all she learned is wiped out – start fm scratch. So I understand her ways of living.” She soon left Libya and swore never to return there to live there forever. She hated all there and said that all people are stupid, stubborn and had no culture. Well it is clear that she had to talk abt that country like that. Yet it is not very polite because even in Libya there are human beings who are very spiritual. The only thing is; not a lot can develop spirituality because of a regime like that. I do not blame anyone. If one wants to develop then all doors are open, if someone does not want, then those doors remain closed! I.e. it is up to us!
Nuri was missing his wife terribly, even so she had been such an bull in a china shop; his mother and Mufida had NEVER told him abt it (that is sth I do not understand, well it is somehow tactful yet also at the same time hiding the truth away. If I had known that this was a common behaviour; I would have kept my daughter at home…
However Salah told Nuri: if I were you, I would tell her to come here or you go there or you have a divorce. It cannot be that she is true to you…
Yet Nuri’s weakness was that he did not like arguments at all, he was like Ghandi, always nice, never upset (but at least stubborn…). He had till then still no salary. His mom paid him to be able to send money to his wife in Poland. He did stay with us, took food and cigarettes and even money for his wife fm his own mother. I felt very bad. He was soon 40 years old and still depended on all others.
If I was his mom, I would have told him to move out and take a cleaning woman. Or he should help in the household. Also that he did not. When someone needed medical help he only said: go to Thora she knows (in herbal medicine yes, but not in regular chemistry). Whatever, we all knew how very diligent he was… Somehow he behaved like my great-uncle (mom’s uncle). He was just sitting around, watching news and smoking in the salon where Ummi and Mufida were sleeping. Ok, my great-uncle did not smoke. But he also had all serving him. Yet, he was on pension… Ummi suffered the most. She was always ill. Either he had stomach problems or suffered from a flu. I only blamed his wife for not being there. He was functioning like a zombie and was only working, eating, drinking, smoking, watching TV and sleeping. WOW, what a great life! Salah agreed. Yet, now being back here in Switzerland, I know, THIS had NEVER been our problem. We were talking abt it but it was not our biz at all. Now I know. Yet what did I have then? NOTHING really, no satellite dish, no TV which was working. I had some music and books that was all. Because the first thing which happened was: my TV broke. They never were able in Libya to ever replace the board of my Sony TV. Well such is life… Later on we received a small TV abt 48 cm screen. Yet at least a TV… So we gossiped. I also had no job. It is very natural to gossip then. It is not productive to criticize other people. What else should I do with so much time to kill? Well when my daughter was born, then I would be VERY busy… She was still in my belly… I still missed to work, days would not snail away, they would speed… Where to find a job with a kid? All these questions would soon be answered. Finally I felt somehow a little bit at home. Not because of my husband, but because Ummi and Mufida trusted me. They told me things as if I was family and the rest was visible… I understood a lot already and started seeing the bigger picture, why all had to come to this…