Perhaps I had postnatal depressions – I always broke in tears whenever I was moved – how annoying… Well – get used to it…
So, now I was at home and felt like the ultimate greenhorn, a stupid chick with a baby and I had NO idea how to take care of her… Brilliant – in addition she had her first “vomit days” and I nearly went nuts…
Ummi came to me and said: “If you need me – I will help you – no matter if it is day or night – come to my house. We all started small, be happy that you are not alone.” How prophetic these lines were – we did not know in advance – yet yes, I went to her more often than I would have wished for… And it was not only because of my kids – it was because of HER “kid”…
However – I was VERY grateful, that this family had accepted me – and that I had been taken care of well, too.
Finally the parcel fm my parents had arrived… There was one P.O. Box number missing – instead of the 2787 there was only 278 – the greatest fun was – that nobody knew – it was the address of the EL CHADRA HOSPITAL - - Adel’s P.O. Box number had four digits… However – they did not find me there cause it had been delivered before my delivery. Wow – life is soooooooooo funny!!! So El Chadra sent it back to the main post office. They were so close to send it back to my parents – luckily Salah went. There was this elderly gentleman who helped him out – even went with him to the locker – the “post-office safe” – GREAT – I was so grateful, prayers work – definitely
The elderly gentleman congratulated my husband to the baby and gave him the parcel without even opening it. Irene had sent stuff to my parents – at that time the embargo was still on – i.e. no contact with the US – no internet connection either – nothing… BRILLIANT LIFE
In the parcel were baby clothes and other sweet stuff – she had a frog bib – which was just soooo sweet. Ummi loved it mostly. I was happy abt the enzymes which would make the scar heal faster. The next day they would take the stitches out. “My” professor Doctor Mustafa made this in person
He was really a darling. He also added: “Your mother is a woman of substance and your wife is a wonderful person, whom I like very much.”
My husband and my doctor understood each other well and I was happy abt that. Of course we had given gifts to him and his daughter – cause that was the least and I also hoped that they liked the cards, as well.
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Athana had been born at 11:20 hrs minus two hours (Libyan time to GMT - daylight saving’s time another hr minus and then minus 10 minutes – cause I calculated it to Basel time) that was 09:10 hrs = Gemini ascendant. Who did that remind me of – and true – till today – she cannot decide easily… Like all my Gemini female friends. Male friends who are Gemini I do not have anymore. Athana was a born Aries – had the moon in Aries, as well = STUBBORN times 2 – i.e. her mood would be stubborn as well – that is what moon tells us then she had an ascendant of a Gemini which is actually the fastest and most intelligent Zodiac sign they say – so her intellectual grasp would be above average – well – that would mean – we will fight – ok – then so be it. She was a very active and vivid person – that was even indicated in the report of the hospital. i.e. she was already a little fighter. I just hoped – that she was not like me as a child – i.e. I gave up too fast mostly… However- her stubborn head made her win against my husband – he gave up. Yet against me – she had another stubborn head – I was 0.2 degree Taurus and Aries – exactly on the line. So now she had the challenge to fight against a set of 2 pair of horns - BTW: my mom’s ascendant is Gemini, as well and my mom is also an Aries. So I have/had been there – done that
If I gave up – and would give in – regarding her head – she would dictate – i.e. she would educate us – the older ones and would take over. Yet that was far of my intention – so I put up a fight whenever she tried. I had luckily bought the books during my pregnancy - it was abt Indigo children. Indigo kids would never ever accept orders – only either or – they would never just do sth which seemed nonsense to them. They would be different – and when developing their abilities – which were not really considered to be “normal” – i.e. mental abilities – that could just mean anything. Only later I found out that my kids were not anymore Indigo kids – however it is not important, what they are – but who they are.
Ummi helped me to change diapers – bathing her and also explained to me – that little babies are so slippery when getting in the bath – that you might lose them if you did not grab them well but not hurting – wow – what a job – I felt so stupid so downgraded so awfully like a bloody beginner – my depression… I had talked abt it with my doctor – he said: no, not you – but true – yes I had a postnatal depression – and a very huge one…
However – most women had to fight with that – i.e. with postnatal depression – over 90 % - so I belonged in there as well. Also Kerima and Amal were fighting with it – they confessed. Ummi never talked abt it anymore. Maybe she had forgotten or did not have time to think back.
Anyway one day I really had that breakdown – I was talking abt NO milk – only 20 ml that was top (I had a breast pump) then I was talking abt my disqualification abt educating kids, not even being able to change diapers – I was just nothing – wow – when I think back how terrible that was then sorry – I nearly laugh. Sure – it is incredible – yet – PMS was easy against those feelings… My husband did not know what to say anymore – he felt like paralyzed and completely off this world. In the evening I had finally gotten hold of myself again – I had taken out the book fm Erhard F. Freitag “the power of positive thinking”. How can God reach someone if in a terrible state like depression, sadness, anger, deception, aggression – nobody can be reached then anymore – I knew that fm books I had read. We should be happy with what we had. Should say yes to life and have joy in living. It really helped. However it was not easy – not even to go to the bathroom. The scar hurt terribly and the hematomas did make life hell. Even only letting go of air – that was hell – actually. Finally all stitches had been removed, the scar would look good my doctor said. Just that evening I was dead – so exhausted – Ummi kept the little one with her and I was “given off”. I.e. during the time we had been with the doctor. Apparently madam Athana had been protesting heavily that neither mom nor dad were there. She did even refuse to drink milk. However I had not more than those 20 ml of milk – which Ummi always claimed that more would come. I was not sure- I talked abt myself as an old “cow”. Yes – my sarcasm was back… It was not a shame – also Amal did not have milk for three of her children. And all were ok, anyway. Firstly I should become healthy again and then we would see to the milk – that is what Ummi said.
When I wanted to get some sleep – Amal’s kids came and made hell of a noise – exactly in front of the sleeping room’s window. So sleeping? Oh well - yes on another planet… I did not sleep at all. Salah slept in the same room as i did, again. I did not care anymore whether he snored or not – at hospital we had three women in the same room who were snoring worse. Yet and I admit – both of my kids snore, too and I cannot stand it anymore However – then I did not care. He also helped me at night to prepare her milk and with the breast feeding – even so there was not a lot and we always had to go for the baby formula milk… I was also not allowed to hold the baby because of my scar – so he had to hold her – wow – what a job!!! However during the day I could not just run to all and say – hey, she needs milk – so I did it myself and lifted her – after all she needed milk – with Mustafa I would not make such a “theater”, anymore!
After drinking milk, babies need to burp – otherwise they might throw up… oh yes – that is nice to clean the whole stuff – especially on carpets and shirts – awesome – who does not know abt that as a mother or father or relative…?
Mohamed – Salah’s youngest brother did not wish that the others knew how much he loved Athana – he sneaked in and kissed her fast on her front and then nearly ran out – Ummi caught him – but he did not see her I was laughing so also Mohamed suffered of the “Athana-sickness”.
It was really funny – that all were so deeply-stirred because of this little baby, why was I immune? I still ask myself. Maybe, because I am her mother? No idea… It was as if they were addicted to her. All wanted to caress her immediately. Of course she was “someone special”. WE ALL ARE – yet to exaggerate like this? Sure – she was cute and also I did hug her and cuddle her and kiss her several times a day – but I think it was a “healthy way”. Okay – she was very white – i.e. pink and maybe that made her also someone special in Africa. Yet overdoing was not my cup of tea. Her charisma was something I had to get along with – also with human beings I had never met before – I had to get used to it.
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Regarding politics (and fleas) we had some nice news in Libya. First the intro: Al Jazeera – had brought a documentary abt Gaddafi (I called Gaddafi the humpy animal herder) – actually abt all these countries: Libya, Iraq, Iran (in my mails I had to write abt the carpet-countries = Iran & Iraq – if only one of these guys working in the department of observation of ALL e-mails, short message system, phone calls, faxes – just anything would get to know what stuff I was telling my parents and friends abt Libya – we would have been not just in deep but deeper trouble) – all were there. The truth – I know they are – among many other media channels – they really do best in research. However – the Saudi Arabian story was really a “nice” one – the Saudi embassy was like extinct – not a trace of any of them – swallowed up by the earth… really very scary… gone with the wind…
Salah was happy that the story was over and that it had been so gotten off so lightly… I was not really sure.
I called all Muslim countries as a whole: the sand box countries
However – Al Jazeera always receives a lot of threats – i.e. we will kill all of you – and you will be blown off the map – that is why they always change their locations. I know someone fm Al Jazeera personally – that is why I can write abt it here. He has been working there for quite a while.
There was also news abt another country which emphasised to change two more governments in the “Arab” world. It was purely abt the black gold – i.e. the oil. Frankly speaking
BTW: amendment – my feeling was correct – no way abt going smoothly – just the same afternoon abt – all went well in Libya…: at 14:00 hrs that afternoon a factory next to Gaddafi’s residence went up in flames… WOW Mr. Humpy Animal Herder was scared to death – and I am VERY sure – that he had more than postnatal depressions now…
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